Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition

CHAPTER 8 - TO WIVES

You and your husband will find that you can dispose
of serious problems easier than you can the trivial
ones. Next time you and he have a heated discussion,
no matter what the subject, it should be the privilege
of either to smile and say, "This is getting serious. I'm
sorry I got disturbed. Let's talk about it later." If
your husband is trying to live on a spiritual basis, he
will also be doing everything in his power to avoid
disagreement or contention.

Your husband knows he owes you more than sobri­-
ety. He wants to make good. Yet you must not expect
too much. His ways of thinking and doing are the
habits of years. Patience, tolerance, understanding
and love are the watchwords. Show him these things
in yourself and they will be reflected back to you from
him. Live and let live is the rule. If you both show a
willingness to remedy your own defects, there will be
little need to criticize each other.

We women carry with us a picture of the ideal man,
the sort of chap we would like our husbands to be. It
is the most natural thing in the world, once his liquor
problem is solved, to feel that he will now measure up
to that cherished vision. The chances are he will not
for, like yourself, he is just beginning his development.
Be patient.

Another feeling we are very likely to entertain is one
of resentment that love and loyalty could not cure our
husbands of alcoholism. We do not like the thought
that the contents of a book or the work of another
alcoholic has accomplished in a few weeks that for
which we struggled for years. At such moments we
forget that alcoholism is an illness over which we could
not possibly have had any power. Your husband will