Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

STEP FOUR

which will come to mind easily in each individual case, will
help turn up the root causes.

But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends,
and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.
We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them.
The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total in-
ability to form a true partnership with another human be-
ing. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we
insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend
upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people,
they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too,
and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this
way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually
try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they re-
volt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a
sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redou-
ble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffer-
ing becomes acute and constant. We have not once sought
to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a
worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.
Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to
hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a
partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of
true brotherhood we had small comprehension.

Some will object to many of the questions posed, be-
cause they think their own character defects have not been
so glaring. To these it can be suggested that a conscien-
tious examination is likely to reveal the very defects the
objectionable questions are concerned with. Because our
surface record hasn't looked too bad, we have frequently