Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

STEP EIGHT

human being. But the prospect of actually visiting or even
writing the people concerned now overwhelmed us, espe-
cially when we remembered in what poor favor we stood
with most of them. There were cases, too, where we had
damaged others who were still happily unaware of being
hurt. Why, we cried, shouldn't bygones be bygones? Why
do we have to think of these people at all? These were some
of the ways in which fear conspired with pride to hinder
our making a list of all the people we had harmed.

Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag.
We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt
anybody but ourselves. Our families didn't suffer, because
we always paid the bills and seldom drank at home. Our
business associates didn't suffer, because we were usually
on the job. Our reputations hadn't suffered, because we
were certain few knew of our drinking. Those who did
would sometimes assure us that, after all, a lively bender
was only a good man's fault. What real harm, therefore,
had we done? No more, surely, than we could easily mend
with a few casual apologies.

This attitude, of course, is the end result of purposeful
forgetting. It is an attitude which can only be changed by a
deep and honest search of our motives and actions.

Though in some cases we cannot make restitution at all,
and in some cases action ought to be deferred, we should
nevertheless make an accurate and really exhaustive survey
of our past life as it has affected other people. In many in-
stances we shall find that though the harm done others has
not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves
has. Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emo-