Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

STEP NINE

son concerned, and lay our cards on the table. We needn't
wallow in excessive remorse before those we have harmed,
but amends at this level should always be forthright and
generous.

There can only be one consideration which should qual-
ify our desire for a complete disclosure of the damage we
have done. That will arise in the occasional situation where
to make a full revelation would seriously harm the one to
whom we are making amends. Or—quite as important—
other people. We cannot, for example, unload a detailed
account of extramarital adventuring upon the shoulders
of our unsuspecting wife or husband. And even in those
cases where such a matter must be discussed, let's try to
avoid harming third parties, whoever they may be. It does
not lighten our burden when we recklessly make the crosses
of others heavier.

Many a razor-edged question can arise in other depart-
ments of life where this same principle is involved. Sup-
pose, for instance, that we have drunk up a good chunk of
our firm's money, whether by "borrowing" or on a heavily
padded expense account. Suppose that this may continue
to go undetected, if we say nothing. Do we instantly con-
fess our irregularities to the firm, in the practical certainty
that we will be fired and become unemployable? Are we
going to be so rigidly righteous about making amends that
we don't care what happens to the family and home? Or do
we first consult those who are to be gravely affected? Do
we lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser,
earnestly asking God's help and guidance—meanwhile re-
solving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, cost