Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

STEP TEN

idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore
the many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody, has to
be abandoned, if only a little at a time.

We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon
those we love. We can show kindness where we had shown
none. With those we dislike we can begin to practice justice
and courtesy, perhaps going out of our way to understand
and help them.

Whenever we fail any of these people, we can prompt-
ly admit it—to ourselves always, and to them also, when
the admission would be helpful. Courtesy, kindness, jus-
tice, and love are the keynotes by which we may come into
harmony with practically anybody. When in doubt we can
always pause, saying, "Not my will, but Thine, be done."
And we can often ask ourselves, "Am I doing to others as I
would have them do to me—today?"

When evening comes, perhaps just before going to sleep,
many of us draw up a balance sheet for the day. This is a
good place to remember that inventory-taking is not always
done in red ink. It's a poor day indeed when we haven't done
something right. As a matter of fact, the waking hours are
usually well filled with things that are constructive. Good
intentions, good thoughts, and good acts are there for us
to see. Even when we have tried hard and failed, we may
chalk that up as one of the greatest credits of all. Under
these conditions, the pains of failure are converted into as-
sets. Out of them we receive the stimulation we need to go
forward. Someone who knew what he was talking about
once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual
progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him, for