Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

STEP ELEVEN

be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request:
"Thy will, not mine, be done." If at these points our emo-
tional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely
keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to
ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed
to us in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and
over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with
anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit
us to return to the surest help of all—our search for God's
will, not our own, in the moment of stress. At these criti-
cal moments, if we remind ourselves that "it is better to
comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to be
understood, to love than to be loved," we will be following
the intent of Step Eleven.

Of course, it is reasonable and understandable that the
question is often asked: "Why can't we take a specific and
troubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer secure
from Him sure and definite answers to our requests?"

This can be done, but it has hazards. We have seen A.A.'s
ask with much earnestness and faith for God's explicit
guidance on matters ranging all the way from a shattering
domestic or financial crisis to correcting a minor personal
fault, like tardiness. Quite often, however, the thoughts
that seem to come from God are not answers at all. They
prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rationalizations.
The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run his life rig-
idly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving demand of
God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting individual.
To any questioning or criticism of his actions he instantly
proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance in all matters