Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

STEP TWELVE

our fortunes had not ebbed that much and we nevertheless
found ourselves alone in the world, we still vainly tried to
be secure by some unhealthy kind of domination or de-
pendence. For those of us who were like that, A.A. had a
very special meaning. Through it we begin to learn right
relations with people who understand us; we don't have to
be alone any more.

Most married folks in A.A. have very happy homes. To
a surprising extent, A.A. has offset the damage to family
life brought about by years of alcoholism. But just like all
other societies, we do have sex and marital problems, and
sometimes they are distressingly acute. Permanent mar-
riage breakups and separations, however, are unusual in
A.A. Our main problem is not how we are to stay married;
it is how to be more happily married by eliminating the
severe emotional twists that have so often stemmed from
alcoholism.

Nearly every sound human being experiences, at some
time in life, a compelling desire to find a mate of the oppo-
site sex with whom the fullest possible union can be made
—spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. This mighty
urge is the root of great human accomplishments, a cre-
ative energy that deeply influences our lives. God fashioned
us that way. So our question will be this: How, by igno-
rance, compulsion, and self-will, do we misuse this gift for
our own destruction? We A.A.'s cannot pretend to offer
full answers to age-old perplexities, but our own experience
does provide certain answers that work for us.

When alcoholism strikes, very unnatural situations may
develop which work against marriage partnership and com-